Sparrow’s Nest: The art of giving constructive feedback in any situation

Sparrow's Nest readers’ topic: I have a new agency manager and recently they gave me very harsh feedback after a client meeting. Unfortunately, at the time, I got defensive and they also accused me of being a bad listener. How do I respond now I have calmed down and what can I do to improve my listening skills in the future?

I can relate to this reader’s topic and very early in my career I got defensive with feedback and took it as criticism.

Your new manager needs to learn to give feedback in a way that is not harsh and still gets the positives and the things you need to work on in perspective.

I believe it was the excellent learning and development team at GroupM APAC Linda and Maree (now of the Hummingbirds) that reframed feedback for me … presenting it as a GIFT.

With that new mindset, I slowly started to accept that feedback was a gift and it would help me grow and get better versus a personal sledge.

Now, to be honest, I still like my feedback wrapped nicely, receive the good bits first, and then the stuff I need to improve.

It is only human to focus on the negatives that stick in your mind – so the language, tone, and delivery of the feedback are paramount. Various research into the science of feedback suggests a minimum of 3 to 1. Delivering feedback is about finding the right balance of at least three positive suggestions to outweigh one negative suggestion.

On reflection, for you was the feedback fair and reasonable and will it help you improve?

Build a relationship with your new manager where you ask for feedback and you get them to start with specific positives first before they launch into the things you need to improve.

Most times when we are under pressure, stressed or juggling an overwhelming workload people go straight to the negatives and it’s vital to frame up the positives at the beginning.

The second part of your topic involves listening and once again I can relate as this has been a long-term goal of mine. I still remember my mum saying we have two ears and only one mouth so we should listen twice as hard as we speak.

That is so easy to say and so difficult to do and, unfortunately, this has taken me a lifetime of learning and I am still a work in progress.

The very best expert on this subject is Oscar Trimboli who has an outstanding program called Deep Listening – Impact Beyond Words. I was very fortunate to meet Oscar through The Marketing Academy, a brilliant program and I cannot recommend his work enough. What particularly resonated with me were Oscar’s five levels of listening:

• Listening to yourself
• Listening to the content
• Listening to the context
• Listening to the unsaid
• Listening to the meaning

Source: Deep Listening by Oscar Trimboli

Oscar has a new book coming soon – How to Listen which I cannot wait to read or listen to as an audiobook or podcast.

Both feedback and listening are two vital skills I wish I had mastered or at least had a better understanding of earlier in my career as they could have helped me grow and progress faster. However, both skill sets are a constant reminder in your professional and personal lives that will improve your performance all around.

The GIFT and excellent listening can help you be a better human in all parts of your life.

To contact Sparrow and suggest a reader topic for Sparrow’s Nest email sparrow@mediaweek.com.au.

Read more Sparrow’s Nest columns here.

Greg “Sparrow” Graham is a Mediaweek contributing editor.

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